Have you ever had a feeling that something is wrong with your marriage, but you can’t actually articulate what? Or perhaps you’ve seen that your husband is withdrawn or that he makes no attempt.
This question as a relationship expert comes as a frequent question: “How do I know whether my husband is really serious in our marriage or he is simply enduring me?” This is something that is difficult to notice when you are emotionally involved, however there are subtle indications that may signal to a more serious problem.
Perhaps you felt forgotten or detached, these 10 signs could give you some insight as to whether your husband is a robot in the relationship.
Signs Your Husband Is Just Tolerating You
1. He is Closed Off Emotionally
You won’t easily notice when your husband turns emotionally distant. It is a massive sign when you feel you talk to a stranger instead of the man you have married. He can quit querying how your day was, skip serious dialogue or can turn off when you say you want to discuss feelings.
The fact that he appears not to care about your emotional life might be because his mind is checked out of the relationship and he has just resigned to put up with you rather than relating with you.
Related; 9 Signs Your Husband Is Done With You Emotionally
2. He does not Court Affection
A husband who is emotionally available will demonstrate his love towards you, he will give you a hug when you need it, he will kiss you before you go to work or hold your hand as you walk along the streets.
In case you are the move-maker in physical intimacy, and he does not make any moves of his own, you are being loudly informed that he does not feel as emotionally committed. The love of a marriage needs to be spontaneous and when it feels like you are the one at work, something is wrong.
3. He does not Spend Quality Time With You
Thriving relationships find the two partners spending time together. However, when your husband does not spare time to spend with you, that is, whether he fails to go out on a date or he makes excuses of missing some other event, then this is an indication that he is not giving priority to you or the relationship.
A marriage is about connection and if he is always too busy or distracted whenever you are together then he might be enduring your company instead of enjoying it.
Related: He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With Me! Here’s What To Do
4. His Foolishness Cannot Listen to Your Needs
A caring mate can tell when his spouse requires something, does not have to be their help in the house, a shoulder to lean on in hard moments, but it could be as simple as they need some small favor shown.
When your husband appears to be totally ignorant of what you want or, even worse, he does not even bother to satisfy you, then it is a symptom that he has stopped being emotionally involved in your relationship. Not being seen and having your feelings unworthy when you are the one begging to be given attention all the time and he can’t even give gives rise to a feeling of being left unnoticed.
5. He is Avoidant and Does Not Attempt to Solve a Problem
Conflict is in any relationship and the way they resolve it is important. When your husband refuses to engage in a tough talk, preaches denial, turns off when you mention problems, that is a red flag. A man who deeply cares about his marriage will desire to discuss issues, rather than to cover them up. When he is merely tolerating you, then he might decide to detach instead of addressing the issues that are important.
Related:9 Reasons Why Your Husband Might Be Ignoring Your Feelings
6. He Does Not Flatter You or Recognize Your Work
Someone who loves and respects you is likely to appreciate, even the small things. However, when your husband has ceased recognizing your work, whether at home, parenting, or working to help the man in his career, you maybe because he no longer sees your efforts. Praise and compliments create some intimacy and absence of them may mean he is taking you for granted.
7. He Is Inattentive and Is Unavailable When You Want Him
Does your husband support you? Is he there when you need him, emotionally or in some way to make life easier? When he is constantly busy with his phone, his work, or other things he is engaged in and never available whenever you need him, that may be a sign that he is checked out of the marriage.
Emotional support is an important aspect of any relationship and in case he is unavailable then it is a factor that he is merely bearing with you, as opposed to actually being with you.
8. He Does not Want to Include You in His Future Plans
Once both of you are married, you plan together—be it vacations, financial goals, or even long term aspirations. Maybe he is not involving you in any plans of the future, or does not want to make attachments with you in terms of long-term plans, it could have been because he no longer considers you as his future. It is a mammoth indication he is not all in and emotionally detached in your marriage.
9. He Discusses the Past or Yourself in Relation to Others
A little nostalgia is good, so don’t stress too much when your husband says things like, “I wish things were like they used to be,” or “I wish you were this much like my ex-girlfriend,” if your husband constantly finds himself chattering about days gone by or about contemplating the way you are now, this may mean that he is not satisfied with the environment he is in.
Such a type of comparison, either through the rose-tinted lenses of the memories of the past or the belief that another person would have suited better, indicates an inability to be fully present. He might be tolerating you and thinking about what was rather than what is in your marriage right now.
10. He Gives up Making You Happy
In a good marriage, both people alternate to make each other happy. When your husband is no longer trying to surprise you, make you feel special, or show any interest in showing you affection, and has completely given up trying, that is an indication that he no longer cares about making you happy.
A marriage cannot be a one-sided activity where one person has to work hard to bring happiness to the other. In case this has ceased to be, it could be due to the reason that he is merely tolerating the marriage instead of trying to foster it.
What You Can Do When You Think You Are Tolerated
In case you recognize these signs, it is necessary to solve the problem despite knowing that it may be challenging. The first step would be to sit with your husband and open up to him about your feelings.
Be open and share your issues and express that you want to get closer and make the relationship better. Provided he is willing, couples therapy is a brilliant option to overcome some underlying issues and reconnect at the emotional level.
It is important to note that no relationship is ideal and every marriage through has the boulders. Nevertheless, once you feel that you are tolerated, you should do something. In a marriage, both spouses must feel loved, respected, and appreciated and you should not accept less.
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