20 Clear Signs of A Narcissistic Mother

As I got older, I began to notice that some mothers treated their children in ways that didn’t seem like normal parenting at all.

I didn’t always have the words for it, but I later realized that what I was seeing were signs of narcissistic behavior.

A narcissistic mother often puts her own needs ahead of her child’s, uses guilt to get what she wants, and has a hard time showing real emotional support.

In this post, I’m going to talk about the signs I’ve learned to look for, not just from my own life but also from what I’ve read and seen.

This might help you understand why you feel like your mother doesn’t see you, hear you, or care about you.

Mental health experts say that NPD is a mental illness that makes people feel like they are more important than they are, need a lot of attention and praise, have trouble with relationships, and don’t care about other people.

It is a complicated disorder that shows up in many parts of a person’s behavior and has an effect on the people around them, especially their close family.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) lists Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a mental illness and gives the criteria for diagnosing it.

People with NPD often act grandiose, think about fantasies of unlimited success and power, and think they are one of a kind.

They need constant praise, feel entitled, and are willing to use other people to get what they want.

They also usually don’t care about other people and are often jealous of other people or think other people are jealous of them.

Signs of a narcissistic mother

1. Always needing attention:

A narcissistic mother loves it when everyone looks at her.

She might want her kids and other people around her to always acknowledge and validate her.

This can show up in a number of ways, like her insisting on being the center of attention at social events or making her kids put her needs and wants ahead of their own.

A lot of the time, this need for attention comes from a deep-seated lack of confidence.

A mother who is narcissistic might try to get compliments or make things happen that make people notice her.

Kids of these kinds of moms often feel like they have to do things or act a certain way to make their mom happy and avoid her anger or disapproval.

2. Not caring about others:

Empathy is being able to understand and feel what someone else is going through.

A narcissistic mother often shows a shocking lack of care for her kids.

She might not care about their feelings or their emotional needs.

A narcissistic mother might not comfort her child when they are going through a hard time. Instead, she might ignore their worries or, worse, tell them they are weak.

This lack of empathy goes beyond just emotional pain; it affects all parts of the child’s life.

If a mother’s interests or successes don’t match her own, she may not care about them.

This makes the relationship one-sided because the child is there to help the mother feel better, not the other way around.

3. Manipulative Behavior:

Manipulation is something that narcissistic mothers often do.

She might make her kids feel guilty, scared, or obligated to do what she wants.

This kind of manipulation is often subtle and can look like concern or advice, which makes it hard for the child to see and resist.

A narcissistic mother might get her kids to do what she wants by threatening to take away love or resources.

She might also lie or exaggerate to change her child’s mind or behavior in more obvious ways.

Because of this, kids learn to doubt their own experiences and may depend too much on their mother’s approval to make choices.

4. Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation in which the manipulator tries to make a person or group doubt their memory, perception, or sanity.

A narcissistic mother might use gaslighting to keep her kids dependent on her and in charge.

There are many ways this behavior can show up.

A narcissistic mother might say she didn’t say something hurtful, say her child is too sensitive, or say they are remembering things wrong.

She might also ignore her child’s feelings and experiences, making them think they are overreacting or making things up.

5. Feeling of entitlement:

Another sign of narcissistic behavior is feeling like you deserve something.

A narcissistic mother thinks she should get special treatment and that her needs and wants should come before everyone else’s.

She might expect her kids to do whatever she wants without question and get mad or upset if they don’t.

This feeling of entitlement often goes beyond the family.

A narcissistic mother might think that people should admire her or give her special treatment just because she is who she is.

If she thinks she’s not getting the respect or recognition she thinks she deserves, she might get angry.

6. Control Freak:

A narcissistic mother often feels like she has to control every part of her children’s lives.

She may make strict rules about everything they do, from what they wear to who they hang out with, and she may say that her way is the only right way.

This control isn’t about helping her kids, it’s about keeping her power and control.

This controlling behavior can stop a child from becoming more independent and self-sufficient.

Kids may rely on their mother’s approval and direction, and they may be afraid to make choices without her permission.

They might also feel trapped because they can’t say what they want or follow their interests.

7. Not valid:

Invalidation is the act of denying, rejecting, or ignoring someone’s feelings or experiences.

A narcissistic mother might make her kids feel bad by making fun of their feelings, making fun of their accomplishments, or questioning their judgment.

This kind of behavior tells the child that their feelings and thoughts are not only wrong, but also not important.

Invalidation can be very harmful because it makes a child feel bad about themselves.

Kids might grow up thinking that they can’t trust their feelings or that their achievements are never good enough.

This can make you feel like you don’t have any value or confidence, which can last into adulthood.

A narcissistic mother might use invalidation to keep her kids from doing what she wants them to do.

She keeps them dependent on her for support and validation by making them doubt themselves.

8. No Limits:

It’s important to have healthy boundaries in all relationships, but a narcissistic mother often doesn’t see or respect them.

She might think of her kids as parts of herself instead of as people with their own needs and rights.

This can make people act in ways that are too personal, like reading their child’s private messages, invading their personal space, or making decisions without thinking about what their child wants.

Not having boundaries can also show up in how you feel.

A narcissistic mother might expect her kids to take care of her emotional needs or get them involved in her personal life in ways that aren’t appropriate.

9. Projection:

Projection is a way for someone to protect themselves by putting their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, or traits on someone else.

A narcissistic mother might blame her children for her own problems, flaws, or negative feelings by projecting them onto them.

For instance, a mother who doesn’t like how she looks might make fun of how her child looks.

Or, if she feels like she’s not doing enough, she might tell her child that they aren’t doing enough.

This projection keeps her from having to face her own flaws and keeps her feeling superior.

10. Love with conditions:

A healthy parent-child relationship is built on unconditional love.

But a narcissistic mother’s love is often based on how well her child meets her standards.

When a child does something she likes, she gives them a lot of love and praise. If they don’t, they might be met with coldness or even anger.

This kind of love can make a child’s emotional world unstable.

They might think they have to earn their mother’s love and approval all the time, which can lead to a cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing.

It can also make kids put their own needs and wants aside in order to do what they think will make their mother happy.

11. Jealousy:

Jealousy isn’t usually a feeling that goes with a mother’s love, but it can be a big problem for a narcissistic mother.

She might be envious of her kids’ successes, relationships, or even their youth.

The mother is jealous because she is insecure and wants to be the best or most important person in her children’s lives.

A narcissistic mother might downplay her child’s successes or try to outdo them by taking credit for their achievements.

She might also ruin her child’s relationships out of jealousy, worried that they will take her place or get more attention.

12. Emotional Blackmail:

Emotional blackmail is when someone uses threats, fear, or guilt to get someone else to do what they want.

A narcissistic mother may use emotional blackmail to keep her kids close and do what she says.

If her kids don’t do what she says, she might threaten to stop loving, supporting, or even talking to them.

13. Using someone:

Exploitation is when you use someone for your own gain, often without caring about their health.

A narcissistic mother might use her kids for her own gain, like to feel good about their accomplishments, to get sympathy or attention from others, or to meet her own emotional needs.

14. Triangulation:

Triangulation is a way to control someone by not talking to them directly, but instead having a third person talk to the second person, making a triangle.

A narcissistic mother might use triangulation to keep her kids in line and make them compete with each other.

For example, a mother might say something to one child about another that makes them jealous or angry.

She might also compare her kids by looking at how well one child does or fails compared to the other.

This makes siblings fight and creates tension, which can keep them from getting close to each other.

Triangulation can have bad effects because it can cause family members to fight and not trust each other.

It can also make it hard for people to talk to each other honestly and openly because kids learn that information is something to be used to get what they want instead of something to share.

15. Anger from being narcissistic:

Narcissistic rage is a strong and often out-of-proportion anger directed at someone who has stopped or disagreed with the narcissist.

A narcissistic mother may get angry like this when someone questions her sense of entitlement, need for control, or self-image.

Children may be scared and not know when their mother’s anger will come out, so they have to be careful not to set it off.

The mother may also use it to punish or control her children, since they know that they are afraid of her anger and will do what they can to avoid it.

It can be hard to live with a mother who can get narcissistic rage.

Kids can get anxiety or stress-related disorders, and as adults, they might have trouble controlling their anger.

They might also become too compliant or passive to protect themselves.

16. Charm on the surface:

It may seem strange, but a lot of narcissistic mothers can be very charming and interesting to people who aren’t in the family.

This fake charm is a way to get people to like and pay attention to you.

A narcissistic mother might be the life of the party or the community volunteer, but at home, she’s a very different person.

This charm can be hard for kids to understand because they can see the difference between the public persona and the private reality.

They might wonder why their mother is nicer to other people than to her own family, or they might think they are the problem because other people seem to like their mother.

17. Neglect:

Neglect is not meeting a child’s basic needs, which can be physical, emotional, or mental.

A narcissistic mother might not take care of her kids because she is too busy with her own needs.

This neglect can include not giving a child enough food or clothes or not paying attention to their need for love and support.

18. Hard to Take Criticism:

A mother who is narcissistic often has trouble taking criticism, whether it is helpful or not.

When someone questions her actions or behavior, she might get defensive, angry, or even retaliate.

This refusal to listen to feedback can make things tense, making it hard for kids to say what they think or feel.

How To Deal With A Narcissistic Mother

Setting limits is the first step in dealing with a narcissistic mother.

This means learning how to say no and not giving in to guilt or manipulation.

It’s also important to get help from friends, a therapist, or support groups.

Talking about what happened can help you feel better and give you a new way of looking at things.

Taking care of yourself is another important part of coping.

This means putting your own mental and emotional health first, taking time for yourself, and doing things that make you happy and comfortable.

It’s also important to have a strong sense of who you are that isn’t based on what your mother wants or thinks.

In conclusion

It can be hard and often heartbreaking to deal with a narcissistic mother.

The first step to understanding what’s going on and finding ways to deal with it is to know the signs of a narcissistic mother. Please tell us about your experience in the comment section below.

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