How To Turn The Table On A Narcissist

I have always been fascinated with the dynamics of relationships, especially when they are difficult. A narcissistic relationship is one of the most toxic relationships I have encountered or experienced personally.

Early on, you can fall into their world, where they are the center of the universe, everything bends around them, and you are but a prop in their play. But now I know it need not be like that. With time, I learned that it is possible to rebalance power, gain control, and even reverse the roles of a narcissist — without being a manipulator or one myself.

It has nothing to do with vengeance or being mean; it’s about taking control and restoring your space and harmony. This post is for anyone who has ever felt trapped in the web of a narcissist. This is how to get back in control and flip the tables in your favor, all without undermining your integrity.

What to Do to Turn the Tables on a Narcissist

Narcissists make everything about them. The initial thing that happens to you is that you are sucked up in their vortex of charm and charisma, but eventually, you realize that the world is their oyster, and you are just a part of their act.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, whether it is romantic, familial, or even professional, you may feel that you are in the clutches of their manipulation. I have been there, and it is something quite difficult to get out of.

However, the reality is: you can make the narcissist swap places. Not by becoming one yourself, or descending to their level, but by taking back control and being pulled out of their emotional manipulation. You do not need to exist as their puppet. How, then, do you do it? Here’s how to turn the power around and reclaim your peace without losing face.

1. Understand Narcissism

Narcissists perceive themselves as dysfunctional in their attitude and relationships with others. They possess an exaggerated sense of significance and a chronic need for praise. They assume that they are better than everyone and expect to be treated that way.

To them, people are simply servants whose role it is to satisfy their needs and inflate their ego. They usually control and manipulate those around them to ensure that their desires and whims are satisfied.

The first step in protecting yourself from narcissism is through education. Once you understand that their actions are not personal but part of their psychological state, you can stop internalizing their behavior.

2. Establish Firm Limits

Narcissists will push your limits all the time. They may attempt to control you, guilt-trip you, or antagonize you. To have the upper hand, it’s essential to establish boundaries that cannot be compromised. Once you refuse to let them go beyond your boundaries, you disarm them.

Examples of healthy boundaries include:

Saying “No” without giving an explanation when they make unreasonable requests.
Limiting your time spent with them if they are emotionally draining.
Not getting involved when they attempt to manipulate or guilt-trip you.

The stricter your boundaries are maintained, the harder it will be for them to manipulate you.

3. Quit Stoking the Big Head

Narcissists love attention, validation, and admiration. They will even go out of their way to make detours just to receive applause, and they will encourage others to do the same to feed their egos. Stopping the constant validation is one way of turning the tables. You don’t need to constantly impress them with things they don’t deserve.

This doesn’t mean being rude or disrespectful, but simply ceasing the continual adoration. Without their validation, you undermine their influence over you. They may get frustrated, and that’s a sign they’re losing control.

4. Train Emotional Distance

Emotional detachment is one of the most effective ways to deal with a narcissist. Narcissists live off your emotional responses. They know exactly how to press the right buttons to get you angry, guilty, or frustrated. By emotionally detaching, you cut off the emotional supply that they thrive on.

When you emotionally detach, it doesn’t mean you stop caring about them. It means you stop letting them dictate how you feel. Remain composed, even when they provoke you, and avoid getting drawn into their emotional turmoil.

5. Retain Your Own Identity

Narcissists are experts at making you feel small or insignificant. Over time, they try to strip away your individuality and make you believe that you’re nothing without them. The key to turning the tables is to never allow them to do this. Maintain your hobbies, passions, and goals.

When you stay true to who you are, you make it harder for them to manipulate or control you. Your identity becomes your strength, and narcissists can’t break you emotionally unless you allow them to.

6. Don’t Become Part of Their People-Drama

Narcissists thrive on drama. They will create conflict where none exists and will drag you into it. The best thing you can do is avoid engaging. Do not get caught up in their emotional temper or quarrels. When they try to provoke you, either do nothing or move on. The less you engage in their drama, the weaker they become.

7. Play to Their Weaknesses (to Their Advantage)

Although narcissists appear tough, they are deeply insecure. They fear that their true selves will be exposed. When you understand their weaknesses, you can protect yourself without direct confrontation. For example, if a narcissist is terrified of looking foolish in front of others, you can use that knowledge to avoid situations that could embarrass them or to leverage their fear when defending yourself.

Apply this knowledge with caution and only at the appropriate times.

8. Create a Support System

Narcissists often try to isolate you from your support network so they can maintain control. One of the best defenses against this is building a strong support system of people who understand what you’re going through. Reach out to trusted family members, friends, or even a therapist who can help you navigate dealing with a narcissist.

A support system not only helps you feel less isolated but also provides you with the emotional strength to stand up to the narcissist’s manipulations.

9. Hone in on Self-Healing and Development

The more you focus on your own personal growth, the more power you give to yourself. Whether it’s therapy, reading self-help books, or dedicating time to your passions, investing in your own growth will make you stronger. Narcissists can no longer hold onto you tightly because you are evolving and becoming more resilient.

10. Learn When to Quit

Finally, sometimes the best way to deal with a narcissist is to walk away. When the relationship becomes too toxic and exhausting, it may be time to leave. It’s not easy, especially when the narcissist has convinced you that you need them, but walking away is one of the most empowering things you can do.

Know your limits, and don’t be afraid to protect yourself by breaking off the connection when necessary.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist is never easy, but it’s not impossible either. By setting boundaries, practicing emotional detachment, and maintaining self-respect, you can reclaim control and turn the tables on them.

It’s crucial to focus on your own personal development and stay true to yourself, never allowing the narcissist to manipulate you. Remember, the power lies in how you conduct yourself and how you let others affect your worth.

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ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship writer, a law student and a student advocate. He was the former Deputy Director of Public Prosecution SUG, University of Calabar, Nigeria, and currently one of the Judges of the High Court of the Student Union Government, University of Calabar. Learn more about him

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