Dealing with the end of a marriage is never easy, but it becomes particularly complicated if your ex-husband is a narcissist. Instead of simply moving on and co-parenting peacefully (if kids are involved), you may find yourself stuck in a cycle of manipulation, arguments, or constant emotional battles.
Narcissists thrive on control and attention. Even after a marriage ends, they often struggle to let go of that dynamic. This can leave you feeling drained, confused, and even guilty when you’ve done nothing wrong.
The good news is, you can learn how to handle this situation in a way that protects your peace, your mental health, and—if you share children—your kids’ well-being. In this post, I’ll walk you through step-by-step how to deal with a narcissistic ex-husband.
Understanding Narcissistic Behavior
Before you can figure out how to deal with your ex, it helps to understand what narcissism really looks like. Narcissists aren’t just confident or proud—they often carry deep insecurities that they cover up with arrogance, manipulation, and control.
Some common traits of a narcissistic ex-husband include:
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Always needing to be right – Even when there’s clear evidence he’s at fault, he won’t admit it.
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Gaslighting – Making you question your own memory, feelings, or even your reality.
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Playing the victim – Acting like you’re the problem, no matter what happens.
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Manipulation – Using guilt, charm, or anger to get his way.
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Lack of empathy – Struggling to recognize or care about how you feel.
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Revenge-seeking – Holding grudges and trying to punish you for leaving.
Recognizing these patterns will help you stop taking his behavior personally. His actions reflect him, not you.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Ex-Husband
1. Accept That He Won’t Change
One of the hardest parts about dealing with a narcissistic ex is accepting that he isn’t suddenly going to wake up, apologize, and become a kind, cooperative person. Narcissists rarely recognize that they are the problem.
If you keep hoping he’ll change, you’ll only set yourself up for repeated disappointment. Instead, refocus your energy on what you can control: your boundaries, your reactions, and your peace of mind.
Related: How a Narcissist Plays the Victim Game To Manipulate You
2. Set Firm Boundaries
Narcissists push limits. If you don’t set clear boundaries, he’ll likely continue to invade your space emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
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Decide which methods of communication are acceptable (text, email, parenting apps).
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Be clear about what you won’t discuss (your personal life, feelings, or finances not related to shared responsibilities).
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Stick to your boundaries—don’t allow him to push past them.
Think of boundaries as a fence protecting your emotional energy. They aren’t about controlling him—they’re about protecting you.
Here is my previous post about how to set boundaries with a Narcissist
3. Limit Contact (Go “Gray Rock”)
If you don’t share kids, the best option is often no contact—block his number, unfollow him on social media, and avoid situations where he can pull you back into arguments.
If you have children together, you can’t completely cut him off, but you can use the gray rock method: give short, neutral responses and don’t give him the emotional reactions he’s looking for. For example:
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Him: “You’re such a terrible mother. The kids hate being with you.”
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You: “I’ll pick them up at 5 p.m. as agreed.”
The less emotional energy you invest in his games, the less power he has over you.
Related: How to Survive a Narcissistic Husband
4. Keep Communication Business-Like
Treat communication with your ex as if you’re dealing with a co-worker you don’t like. Be polite, professional, and to the point.
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Stick to facts, not feelings.
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Don’t call names or defend yourself.
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Keep records of texts, emails, or calls in case you need them for legal purposes.
Think: short, factual, and emotion-free.
Related: How To Respond To Narcissistic People
5. Protect Your Children
If you have kids together, this is one of the hardest parts of dealing with a narcissistic ex. Narcissists will sometimes try to use the children as pawns to hurt their ex or maintain control.
Here’s how to protect your children:
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Never badmouth your ex in front of them—it only confuses and hurts them.
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When they’re with you, provide stability and reassurance.
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Teach them healthy boundaries in age-appropriate ways.
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Document concerning behavior in case custody issues arise.
Your children will eventually see the truth for themselves. Your job is to be the stable, loving parent they can count on.
6. Don’t Take the Bait
A narcissistic ex will often try to provoke you because your emotional reactions feed his ego. Whether it’s insults, lies, or accusations, remind yourself: I don’t have to respond.
Instead of firing back, pause and ask yourself:
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Will this response help me?
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Will it escalate things?
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Can I ignore it without consequences?
Most of the time, the healthiest choice is to disengage.
7. Build a Strong Support System
Dealing with a narcissistic ex can feel isolating. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or even a therapist who understands what you’re going through.
When he tries to twist the narrative, your support system can remind you of the truth. When you feel drained, they can lift you back up.
8. Prioritize Your Mental Health
The stress of dealing with a narcissistic ex can take a serious toll on your emotional well-being. Make self-care a non-negotiable:
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Exercise regularly to release stress.
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Journal your thoughts and experiences.
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Meditate or practice mindfulness to stay grounded.
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Seek therapy to process your feelings and learn healthy coping strategies.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
9. Use the Legal System When Necessary
If your ex crosses boundaries, harasses you, or tries to manipulate custody, don’t hesitate to use the legal system to protect yourself and your children.
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Keep records of all communication.
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Work with a lawyer who understands high-conflict divorces.
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Ask about parenting apps or court-ordered communication tools.
The law can serve as an extra layer of protection when personal boundaries aren’t enough.
10. Focus on Rebuilding Your Life
It’s easy to get mentally stuck on your narcissistic ex—what he’s doing, what he’s saying, how unfair it all feels. But the most empowering thing you can do is shift your focus to building the life you deserve.
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Reconnect with hobbies and passions you may have put aside.
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Strengthen old friendships or create new ones.
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Set fresh personal and career goals.
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Embrace your independence and personal growth.
The more you invest in your future, the less space he’ll take up in your mind.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with a narcissistic ex-husband is exhausting, but you are not powerless. By setting firm boundaries, limiting contact, protecting your kids, and focusing on your own healing, you can create a life that is peaceful and fulfilling—even with his shadow in the background.
You don’t have to win against him—you just have to stop letting him win over your emotions. The greatest victory is reclaiming your peace and building a life where his drama no longer controls you.
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