Gratitude is a virtue everyone values, even though not all of us show it regularly. When someone thanks us, appreciates what we’re doing, or simply acknowledges our effort, we feel a warm sense of recognition.
But we also know the pain of being taken for granted. In family, friendship, work, and relationships, ungratefulness leaves a bitter taste.
So why are people ungrateful? Is it just bad manners, or is there something deeper?
Let’s look at the reasons people act ungratefully, the psychology behind it, and what we can do when it happens to us.
Why Are People Ungrateful?
1. Human Nature and the Hedonic Treadmill
A major factor behind ungratefulness lies in human psychology. Scientists call it the hedonic treadmill. Simply put, humans adapt very quickly to good things that come their way.
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You get a raise at work — it feels exciting at first, but soon it becomes the new normal.
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Someone does something kind for you — you appreciate it initially, but after a while you stop noticing.
Because we adapt so quickly, we stop experiencing the same level of gratitude. Our minds normalize blessings. Instead of seeing good things as privileges, we start viewing them as rights.
Ungratefulness often grows out of this adjustment. We become so accustomed to kindness that we stop recognizing it.
2. Entitlement Mindset
Entitlement is another powerful reason people lack gratitude. Some genuinely believe they deserve everything they get — and maybe even more.
This mindset often comes from upbringing, social conditioning, or personality traits. For example:
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A child who grows up always getting what they want may grow into an adult who expects the same.
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Someone who has never faced hardship may not realize how fortunate they are.
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People who constantly compare themselves to others may feel owed more, which blinds them to what they already have.
Entitlement strips away gratitude. If you believe the world owes you something, why thank anyone for giving it?
3. Cultural and Social Influences
Gratitude is also shaped by culture. In some societies, saying “thank you” is taught as essential etiquette. In others, appreciation is shown more subtly through actions rather than words.
But in modern life, especially in fast-paced environments, gratitude often gets lost. People are always chasing the next goal, the next purchase, or the next achievement. Social media makes this worse — we scroll through highlights of other people’s lives and end up feeling dissatisfied with our own.
When comparison takes over, gratitude weakens. Instead of saying, “I’m thankful for what I have,” people ask, “Why don’t I have what they have?”
4. Lack of Awareness
Sometimes, ungratefulness isn’t intentional. People simply don’t realize how much effort or sacrifice others make for them.
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A partner may overlook how much the other does to keep the household running.
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A manager may not notice the extra effort an employee puts in.
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A child may not see the countless sacrifices a parent makes daily.
It isn’t always malice. Sometimes people are so caught up in their own struggles that they fail to notice what others are doing on their behalf.
5. Stress and Negativity Bias
Gratitude requires mindfulness. But when life feels overwhelming, people may not have the mental space to pause and appreciate.
Psychologists also talk about the negativity bias — our natural tendency to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right.
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You might do ten kind things for someone, but if you forget one, that’s the part they remember.
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Instead of noticing what you did, they only focus on what you didn’t do.
Stress and negativity shrink a person’s perspective, making it harder to see blessings or express thanks.
6. Pride and Ego
Gratitude requires humility. It means acknowledging that someone helped you or that you benefited from their kindness.
For people with fragile egos, saying “thank you” feels like admitting weakness. They may believe that accepting help makes them look dependent. Instead, they downplay or ignore others’ contributions.
This often shows up in competitive workplaces, toxic relationships, or in people with narcissistic tendencies. Gratitude, to them, looks like weakness rather than strength.
Related: 8 Signs Of Pride In Your Relationship And How To Handle It
7. Taking People for Granted
The closer we are to someone, the easier it is to take them for granted. Family members, partners, and close friends often feel this the most.
For example:
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You cook for your family every day, yet no one acknowledges it.
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You’re always there for a friend, but over time they stop thanking you.
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You sacrifice for your partner, but they treat it as expected.
This doesn’t always mean they don’t value it deep down. Sometimes people assume love and effort will always be there, so they stop expressing appreciation. Unfortunately, silence can come across as ungratefulness.
8. Lack of Emotional Intelligence
Gratitude isn’t just about words — it’s about emotional awareness. People with low emotional intelligence may not recognize when a situation calls for appreciation, or they may not know how to express it.
For instance:
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Someone may feel grateful but never say it.
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They may think gratitude only applies to big things, not everyday kindness.
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They may lack the emotional openness to put their feelings into words.
In these cases, ungratefulness isn’t caused by bad intentions but by underdeveloped emotional skills.
Related; How to Become Emotionally Intelligent
9. Self-Centeredness and Narcissism
Sadly, some people truly are ungrateful because they’re self-centered. For them, life revolves around their own needs, feelings, and desires.
Narcissistic personalities in particular struggle with gratitude. Since they believe everything should serve them, they rarely acknowledge the efforts of others. Gratitude feels unnecessary because, in their mind, everything is about them.
This type of ungratefulness is the hardest to change.
10. Past Trauma or Unmet Needs
Sometimes, ungratefulness hides deeper wounds. A person who grew up with neglect, abandonment, or emotional hardship may struggle to accept kindness. They may feel uncomfortable with appreciation because they never received it or were taught they didn’t deserve it.
For them, gratitude feels foreign or unsafe, so they shut it down.
How to Cope with Ungrateful People
Being around ungrateful people is draining, but there are healthy ways to handle it:
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Lower your expectations. Not everyone will show gratitude the way you expect. Adjusting your mindset helps protect your peace.
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Communicate your feelings. Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re being ungrateful. A gentle conversation can help.
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Set boundaries. If someone repeatedly takes advantage of you, limit how much energy you give. Gratitude should go both ways.
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Practice gratitude yourself. Don’t let someone else’s ungratefulness poison your heart. Keep gratitude alive in your own life.
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Recognize the difference. Some people are unintentionally ungrateful, while others are habitually entitled. Knowing the difference helps you decide how to respond.
Final Thoughts
Ungratefulness is frustrating, but understanding why it happens makes it easier to cope. Sometimes it’s human nature. Sometimes it’s stress, pride, or deeper emotional wounds. While you can’t force people to be grateful, you can choose how much their behavior affects you.
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