How To Survive A Sexless Relationship

Sex is often seen as one of the cornerstones of intimacy in a relationship. It’s not just because it feels good—it’s because it creates connection, vulnerability, and a sense of being wanted by your partner.

When that part of a relationship disappears, it can leave you feeling rejected, lonely, and even invisible.

I’ve talked to countless people who describe a sexless relationship as one of the most painful experiences they’ve ever gone through. It’s not only about missing intimacy—it’s about missing the closeness that comes with it.

If you’re in a sexless relationship right now, I want you to know you’re not alone—and you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do.

It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed.

What it does mean is that something is out of alignment, and in order to survive, it must be met with honesty, patience, and a willingness to face some uncomfortable truths.

So, let’s break it down step by step.

How To Survive A Sexless Relationship

Step 1: Accept the Reality Without Sugarcoating

The first thing you have to do is come to grips with what’s happening. Too often, people in sexless relationships tell themselves stories to soften the blow:

“It’s just a phase.”
“It’ll get better when life calms down.”
“Maybe this is how long-term relationships are supposed to be.”

But denial doesn’t help. You can’t heal something if you won’t name it. A sexless relationship is generally defined as having intimacy fewer than 10 times a year. If that’s your reality—and it bothers you—then it’s something worth dealing with.

Being honest with yourself is crucial because pretending everything is fine while feeling empty inside only creates resentment. You don’t need to make excuses for your needs. You’re allowed to want closeness.

Step 2: Distinguish Love From Desire

One of the hardest parts about a sexless relationship is that you can love your partner deeply but still feel unwanted. That’s confusing. How can someone love you but not want to be close to you physically?

The truth is, love and desire aren’t always the same. Love is about caring, commitment, and affection. Desire is about passion, attraction, and energy. You may have a partner who’s kind and supportive but who has lost interest due to stress, health issues, unresolved conflict, or neglecting the physical side of the relationship.

Realizing that a lack of intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love can help you take it less personally. It shifts the story from “I must not be enough” to “Something in this relationship needs attention.”

Step 3: Talk About It Honestly (Even if It’s Uncomfortable)

This is the part most couples avoid. Talking about intimacy is vulnerable and scary, especially when rejection has already become a pattern. But silence guarantees that nothing will change.

When you bring it up, don’t attack. Blame shuts people down. Instead, focus on how you feel. For example:

Instead of “You never want me anymore,” try “I feel lonely and disconnected when we’re not sharing closeness.”
Instead of “You’re the problem,” try “I miss the bond we used to have, and I want to work on rebuilding that with you.”

Your partner may become defensive, or they may be relieved that you finally voiced what they’ve been struggling with, too. Either way, breaking the silence is necessary.

Step 4: Dig Into the Root Cause

A sexless relationship rarely happens overnight. There’s usually a reason—or several. Some common ones include:

Stress and fatigue: Work, kids, money worries—life gets heavy, and intimacy falls to the bottom of the list.
Health issues: Hormonal changes, illness, medications, or pain can drastically affect desire.
Resentment: Unresolved conflicts or feeling unappreciated can kill attraction.
Mismatch in libido: Sometimes, one partner simply wants intimacy more often than the other.
Routine and boredom: When couples stop nurturing romance, intimacy becomes an obligation rather than a joy.

If you don’t uncover the “why,” you’ll stay stuck in frustration. Sometimes the answer is obvious; sometimes it takes therapy or deeper conversations to get there.

Step 5: Rebuild Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom

Surviving a sexless relationship doesn’t just mean waiting for passion to return. It also means finding other ways to reconnect—emotionally and physically. Intimacy is bigger than physical closeness; it’s about connection.

Start small:

Hold hands while watching TV.
Hug for more than a few seconds.
Sit close together instead of at opposite ends of the couch.
Plan date nights just for the two of you.

When touch and affection return in little ways, the pressure around physical intimacy lessens. Rebuilding connection first often helps rekindle desire naturally.

Step 6: Work on Your Own Confidence

One of the most painful effects of a sexless relationship is the damage it does to self-esteem. You start to wonder: Am I unattractive? Am I undesirable? What’s wrong with me?

This eats away at your confidence, and the lower your confidence, the harder it is to feel magnetic. That’s why reclaiming your self-worth is so important.

Do things that make you feel alive and attractive again—exercise, dress in clothes that make you feel good, pursue hobbies you love. When you invest in yourself, you feel better emotionally, and that energy often helps reignite attraction in your partner, too.

Step 7: Don’t Dismiss the Possibility of Professional Help

Sometimes, no matter how much you talk or try, the problem doesn’t shift. That’s when therapy can make a real difference.

A skilled counselor can help uncover hidden issues—past trauma, resentment, medical problems, or deeper conflicts. Having a neutral third party guiding the conversation reduces pressure and gives you tools you might not develop on your own.

There’s nothing weak about seeking help. If anything, it shows how much you value the relationship.

Step 8: Make Your Own Way Forward

Here’s the hardest truth: not every sexless relationship can be fixed. Sometimes desire doesn’t return. Sometimes your partner refuses to work on it. Sometimes you realize your needs are fundamentally mismatched.

At that point, you have to make choices. Can you accept the relationship as it is and find fulfillment elsewhere (emotionally or otherwise)? Do you stay but focus on your own growth? Or do you leave because this isn’t the life you want?

There’s no right or wrong answer—it’s about what you can live with. What matters most is being honest with yourself instead of staying in silent pain.

Step 9: Reframe What Survival Really Means

When I say “survive a sexless relationship,” I don’t mean resign yourself to a lifetime of emptiness. Survival means:

Protecting your self-worth.
Refusing to be defined by rejection.
Taking action—whether that’s rebuilding intimacy, seeking counseling, or walking away.

It means recognizing that your needs are valid. Too many people shrink themselves down, thinking, Maybe I’m asking for too much. You’re not. Wanting closeness is human.

Final Thoughts

A sexless relationship can feel like slow emotional starvation. It’s painful, confusing, and isolating. But you are not powerless. You can speak up. You can work on reconnecting. You can invest in yourself. And if nothing changes, you have the option to leave with your dignity intact.

Survival doesn’t mean just hanging on. It means doing what survival looks like for you—whether that’s rebuilding passion, creating new forms of intimacy, or choosing a different path entirely. The point is this: you still have power.

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ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship writer, a law student and a student advocate. He was the former Deputy Director of Public Prosecution SUG, University of Calabar, Nigeria, and currently one of the Judges of the High Court of the Student Union Government, University of Calabar. Learn more about him

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