Most of the things I write in my blog are the things I have experienced in my relationship. I’ve had the experience been there—feeling like I was in a relationship that had potential, only to realize I was being strung along with no real commitment.
If you’ve ever found yourself confused by inconsistent attention, small gestures that left you wanting more, and the constant wondering of where you really stand, you might be dealing with a breadcrumber.
You know that sense of hope mixed with frustration that leaves you waiting for something to happen? That’s breadcrumbing. So, what exactly is breadcrumbing, how do you spot the signs, and more importantly, how can you take control and turn the tables?
Let’s break it down.
Who Is a Breadcrumber?
A breadcrumber is someone who gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, but never enough to actually build a genuine relationship.
They feed you small “crumbs” of affection, maybe a compliment or a late-night text, but never enough to make you feel secure or valued.
It’s like being in a perpetual state of limbo, where you’re always waiting for something more—something solid. Breadcrumbers know exactly what they’re doing—they keep you engaged without giving you any real emotional investment.
Here is my previous post about how to turn the table in a relationship
Signs You’re Being Breadcrumbed
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Inconsistent Communication
One moment, they’re texting you all day, showering you with attention, making you feel like the most important person in their life.The next, they vanish for days. You’re left wondering why they’ve gone silent, and then when they finally reach out again, it feels like nothing ever happened. It’s a cycle that keeps you hooked, but you’re never sure where you stand.
Example: Maybe they send you a cute “Good morning” text for two weeks, but then, after you text them asking about plans for the weekend, you hear nothing back for days. When they do reply, they act like nothing’s wrong.
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Vague Plans
They’ll make plans with you, but the plans are always vague. “Let’s do something soon,” or “I’ll text you when I’m free.” There’s no real commitment to a time or a date. It’s like they’re keeping you on the back burner, just in case something better comes up.For instance, you’ve been talking about going to a concert together for months, but every time you bring it up, they say, “I’ll check my schedule,” or “Maybe next time.” Yet, they still manage to hang out with their friends or other people.
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Unclear Intentions
Breadcrumbers are experts at keeping their intentions unclear. They might say they like you or even flirt with you, but their actions are inconsistent. They tell you they’re not ready for a relationship but keep acting like they want one. You’re left with mixed signals and confusion about what they really want.Another instance, one day they tell you they’re “not really looking for anything serious right now,” and the next day, they’re sending you romantic texts or calling you late at night, making you feel like there’s more to it.
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Disappearing Acts
Just when things start feeling good and you’re beginning to think it could be something real, they pull away. They might go silent for days, sometimes even weeks, only to return with a quick text or call, apologizing for being busy. This leaves you feeling uncertain about their level of interest.Example: After a fantastic weekend together, they don’t text for a few days, and when they finally do, they give some generic excuse like “I’ve been swamped with work” or “I needed some time to myself.” You feel like you’re the one always chasing them.
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They Keep You in Limbo
You might be in a “relationship” without the title. They might act like they’re committed but never define the relationship. You’re exclusive, but no one has said it out loud. You’re hanging out together, but they avoid talking about what happens next. It’s all surface-level with no real depth.For example: They introduce you to their friends, but when it comes to labeling what you have, they remain noncommittal, saying things like, “Let’s not rush into defining things just yet,” leaving you wondering where you really stand.
Related; How To Turn The Table On A Narcissist
How to Turn the Tables on a Breadcrumber
Now that you know what breadcrumbing looks like, here’s how you can take control and turn the tables:
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Set Boundaries
If you’re always the one reaching out or making plans, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Don’t let them string you along with their inconsistency. Let them know you value your time and you deserve someone who is as invested in the relationship as you are.For Example: You can say something like, “I need someone who communicates consistently and is clear about their intentions. I don’t have time to play games.”
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Stop Chasing
It’s time to stop doing all the chasing. If you’re always the one initiating conversations, calling them, or planning dates, let them come to you for a change. When you step back, it forces them to either step up or move on. If they’re not putting in the effort, don’t waste your energy.Example: If they’ve gone radio silent for days, don’t be the first one to reach out. Let them come to you when they’re ready to make the effort.
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Communicate Your Needs
Be honest about what you need from them. If you’re looking for clarity, let them know. If they can’t give you a direct answer, or they keep dodging the question, it’s a clear sign they’re not ready to invest in you. You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want and is willing to communicate it to you.For instance: “I really like spending time with you, but I need to know where this is going. I don’t want to keep going around in circles without clear intentions.”
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Focus on Yourself
Stop waiting for them to make up their mind and focus on your own life. Spend time with friends, work on your career, or start a new hobby. By redirecting your energy into yourself, you’ll take the power back and stop depending on them for validation or emotional fulfillment.Example: Start a new fitness routine, take that cooking class you’ve been putting off, or finally go on that solo trip. When you prioritize your own growth, you become less available for someone who isn’t putting in the effort.
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Be Willing to Walk Away
Sometimes the most powerful way to turn the tables is to simply walk away. If a breadcrumber isn’t willing to give you what you need, don’t be afraid to move on. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for your own happiness and emotional well-being.Example: If they continue to be vague or non-committal, say, “I’m looking for someone who is ready for a relationship. If that’s not where you’re at, I respect that, but I need to move on.”
Related: How To Turn The Table On A Gaslighter
Conclusion
You don’t have to settle for being breadcrumbed. You deserve a relationship where both partners are fully committed and clear about their intentions.
If you find yourself dealing with a breadcrumber, take control by setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and, most importantly, choosing yourself.
Remember, you are worthy of someone who is just as invested in you as you are in them. So, take the reins, turn the tables, and never settle for less than you deserve.
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